Jess slid into the driver’s seat and started up the car, making a U-turn and starting down the street. She looked at Spencer in the rear view mirror and nodded a little, giving him a small smile. “I know you do, Spence.” She finished the quick drive back to her apartment and parked next to her own car, pulling the keys from the ignition. “Things will look better in the morning, I’m sure.”
Spencer kept quiet and worked on getting his head to stop hurting. Since he had only gone to the next block over, the drive was short and he got out when the car stopped, going around and opening the door for Jess “I hope.” At the moment he didn’t feel like things were going to be fine ever again.
Jess opened her mouth and then snapped it shut, looking down at her abdomen for a moment, nodding. She hadn’t told anyone but Blaine and Andy, but apparently she didn’t need to actually tell anyone anymore. “Kid’s noticeable now. Noted.” She muttered, turning her in spot and shaking her head. Alright, move your ass to the back seat, Killian. You’re staying on my couch tonight.” She scrambled out of the passenger’s seat and moved to the driver’s side, opening the door and holding her hands out for the keys.
“Not really.” Spencer shrugged a bit, sniffling and wiping his cheek off on his sleeve. He could tell by Jesslyn’s tone that he wasn’t going to change her mind and sighed, climbing over the seat and into the back. He laid down across the back seat. By now his tears had calmed down to a silent, steady stream down his face. “Jess…?” He waited for an answer, and then muttered the only thing he could think to say to let her know what everything was doing to him. “I love you. All of you.”
“Look, i’m sorry. I’m not in a great mood right now.” Jess ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head. “I’m not letting you sleep on the side of the road. I’ll drive you home, or you can crash on my couch. But I don’t trust you driving, and I don’t trust you sleeping here tonight, either.” She stared at him, waiting for him to pick his poison of choice.
“I don’t want to cause any more trouble for anyone. I won’t drive, i’ll just… I’ll stay here.” Spencer tucked his head in against the window of the car, his head throbbing as much as his heart ached. “I won’t be able to sleep, anyway… And you should be resting. I’m sorry I woke you up. You’re gonna need to sleep while you still can, before you have to be up a lot to take care of the baby.”
“You are being childish. I have no room to talk, I was the same way with Andy. I cried more than I should have and apologized way more times than I should have. Somehow it worked out, but usually? It doesn’t. Usually it just makes things worse.” Jesslyn sighed a little bit. “Look, if he leaves, he leaves. If he stays, he stays. But you’re sitting here talking about feelings and how you feel - how do you think he feels? He’s entitled to just as much feeling and reasoning as you are.” She stopped and pointed at him, shaking her head. “Nope, that woe is me attitude, will get me leaving this car and going home to sleep. The moment a pity party starts, Spence, I’m out.” She warned softly, but seriously.
He stopped talking and let things go silent again, though his head was turning and he was definitely figuring out why getting Jesslyn wasn’t a good idea. As if he hadn’t thought about Blaine. Blaine was the first person he’d thought of when he stopped replying to his texts. Blaine was the person he was thinking of when he went to his apartment to talk to him, because he didn’t want Blaine to be upset. Because he didn’t want Blaine to feel the same way he did, tired and sick to his stomach and nearly out of commission with hurt. After a few minutes, he nodded slowly. “Go… Back to sleep. I’ll stay here.”
Jesslyn paused and turned in her seat so she was facing Spencer, her feet pulled up to her chest and her back on the door. “Okay, look. Trust is a really funny thing. You have all the trust in the world and then you say your daughter is your sister or you leave town with a vague excuse - even if you were given vague information. And then trust can get yanked away very quickly and it takes a very long time to earn it back.” She nodded a little, keeping her eyes on him. “Now, I can’t speak for Blaine. And I don’t know his entire history, but I know that it wasn’t all that great. And how you were treated in the past greatly affects how you react to the present. But this? This isn’t the way to go about handling the situation, Spencer. You’re an adult and you’re handling this very much like a child at the moment. You can’t look at this through naive eyes - you have to look at this from the mature standpoint of a man who messed up, whether intentional or not, you see?” She asked, hoping her voice was gentle, knowing that the combination of her tired and the reflex to defend her best friend had a tendency of working against her calm at times.
“I’m acting like a child. He wouldn’t talk to me… But i’m acting like a child.” He looked over at Jess, blinking back tears. “I tried to explain. I tried to apologize. He told me that i’m a liar, Jess. Why can’t I be upset about it…? I love him and he’s going to leave me… He told me before that family comes first.” He was repeating things now and he knew it, so he cut off that train of thought and went silent again for some time. When he spoke again, it was quiet “I’m stupid… I’m stupid… People tell me i’m stupid and it’s true… I don’t know how to talk. Or do anything… I don’t even know how to keep the people I love.”
“Okay, first, stop banging your head against the steering wheel. You’re too big for me to move if I have to take you to the hospital with a concussion.” She said, placing her hand between his head and the steering wheel. “Secondly, vagueness is never good in a relationship. It ruins things, and it breeds anger and resentment and self-consciousness. So that wasn’t cool. Thirdly, why the hell would you do that after disappearing on him? That’s not how you - of course he thought it was an apology type thing. I would have, too! You can’t do that, Spencer. It’s…the biggest moment in your life when you’re proposed to. And if it seemed like an apologetic bribe? It wouldn’t go over right.”
“I didn’t know why I was going! I couldn’t tell him anything more than I did… That I had to go to New York because Carol needed me for something important. That’s all she told me. That’s all I could tell him and- and-” A sob worked it’s way up and out of his throat. He felt like asking Jesslyn to come get him was a bad idea for the horrible aching it was doing in his chest. He felt like she was just a confirmation that Blaine was going to leave him, and even worse it made him feel like he’d never belonged with either of them in the first place. The group of friends he’d made and the Pennbrook family he’d been a part of was only there for him as long as Blaine loved him. “I know! I know! I know! He pulled his head away from the steering wheel, his hands grabbing at his hair and tugging on it in pain and frustration. “He was talking about how things don’t last, and telling me he can’t handle being lied to and I just- I’ve never lied to him. I’ve never lied to Blaine- I’ve never been with anybody like i’ve been with Blaine. It’s always been Blaine. Just him. never anyone else. I love him. I thought he trusted me.”
Jess slid into the passenger’s seat, looking over at Spencer. She was torn between comforting him and defending her best friend. She bit her lip a little, shaking her head as he stopped talking. “Spence, I’m the one you need to apologize to. You up and left without really anything.” She said softly, looking down at her sweater, fiddling with her sleeves a little bit. “Your posts online made it seem like you were super sick or hiding something and that’s why you left. Even I was like what the fuck is up there.” She paused for a moment before his mention of the ring registered. She shook her head and held out a hand in confusion. “Wait, you proposed to him?!”
“I did apologize- I-I know… Carol told me something important was happening and I needed to get there really soon, and I thought she was hurt for a minute and I-… Threw up…” He banged his head on the steering wheel. “I texted him. I told him I had to go see her. She needed me. She’s like a mom to me… I…” He banged his head again, harder this time. He didn’t since when he dealt himself pain, but he did wince when Jesslyn raised her voice in confusion. “Yes.” His voice broke on the word and he banged his head again.
Jesslyn rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of large sweatpants and a cardigan over her tank top. She slipped on her flip flops and grabbed her keys, tiredly making her way out of her apartment. She’d been almost asleep when Spencer texted her and now she had to wake herself back up again. She knew exactly where he was by his location and she started walking there, grumbling a bit to herself that this better be good, because she’s tired and if her being tired stunts her child’s growth, she’ll smack Spencer’s tall self upside the head.
Minutes later, she found the car parked on the side of the road and moved to the driver’s side, knocking on the window, arms wrapped around herself.
It took Jesslyn much shorter a time to get to him than Spencer expected. What was more, she was on foot. He lifted his head as he heard her wrapping on the window and sat up straight so she could get in, his head on the steering wheel again. He didn’t know what to say, but that was something that was happening a lot that night. He needed to explain somehow, so eventually he began mumbling under his breath, his entire being completely worn out. “Blaine thinks I went to New York and cheated on him… And I bought the ring on the way back as a make up present…” He paused, sniffling. “I’m so stupid, Jess. I’m so… I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know what to do now… I’m stupid. I’m sorry… I…”
Thank god for Siri. He definitely wouldn’t have been able to see the buttons well enough to text anything coherent. If it wasn’t for the mic texting feature, he would have been stuck in the impala all night, too afraid to try driving and possibly get into an accident because of crying and knowing he couldn’t just stay out there when Blaine had made a point to tell him to go try to sleep. He couldn’t do that to him.
Jess was coming to get him and he let himself fall onto his side, pulling his knees up and closing his eyes, not bothering to wipe his tears. Cry headaches hurt enough without adding sore eyes to it.